International Dating – What Is Important For Black Interracial Dating Despairs?

Saturday, August 21st, 2010

I have been working on dating related blog for a while now. The blog is about black women and interracial dating. What I feel is a growing disconnect within the lesbian women community. They are equally touchy subjects and since I’m one the few that has stepped outside the comfort of my cultural confines and branched across the unknown black women relationships waters known as cultural diversity, I feel as though I can speak on this and offer a varying perspective. I love and consider all women equally, but that takes nothing away from the deep affinity I have always felt for internet dating black women. Not only do I come from one, I love and have loved many in my short lifetime. A little back-story before I continue. I was raised a Jehovah’s Witness. In fact, I was baptized young even by today’s standards. I was 9 years old. I was taught very early that their character, not their skin color, should judge a person. Everything that is most beautiful in a woman is directly and indirectly insinuated to be inherent in the white female mystique, yet at an early age most black girls are taught to not only look beyond the “mystique”, but to strive to be better than whatever the mystique may be, and this sentiment should touch every aspect of our lives by the time we’re young women.

Interracial Black Dating Couple

A part that I hate always accompanies the knowledge that I have adult date with white girls. It is my deep love for black women. Why must there always exist some caveat to accompany such an acknowledgment? As if I have not loved more than my fair share of black women just because I have dated outside of my race. I’ve had a few fleeting discussions about black interracial relationships with international dating black women before who’ve boldly questioned the dating preference, going so far as to openly wonder what I see in a white woman and what they can do for me that a black woman can’t. Ultimately acting as though there is no reason in the world why I should not be with a black woman. It is a bit presumptuous if you ask, the responses and me always boggle my mind. My parents instilled that value in me from an early age, despite the fact that they were raised during a racially aware and highly volatile time in America as it related to race, gender and culture. They remain hot button topics in this country today. With that said, they also instilled a solid sense of cultural awareness, acceptance and balance that extended beyond just knowing and appreciating our own “kind”.

I used to wonder if [black women] felt justified in their contempt of me while I was in an interracial relationship because they thought I was putting white women on a pedestal just because I put my girlfriend on a pedestal. Are white women held to a higher standard in society in general? Of course they are. Are they put on a higher pedestal universally? There is no doubt, so I do understand why some internet personals interracial black women take offense to interracial relationships, but I do not agree with their reasoning at the same time. I understand better than most that white privilege is a very real thing in America. It is as real as the ever-widening gap between the rich and the poor and the haves and have-nots. Sadly, this does not happen for most girls. One of the issues as I see it relates to self-esteem, insecurity, and issues dealing with beauty’s depiction in the mass media and how society says beauty are to be appreciated. Somewhere along the way, someone believed that to date a white woman is to take the easy way into and possibly, out of a relationship, which is a misleading crock of shit. White women have as much attitude as black women, but the cultural differences in the way those attitudes are expressed is prevalent; however it is there all the same.

What I know with certainty is that it is never easy to go with your heart when you know so many are against you. We as black women are sensitive and feel almost everything strongly. We are caring, tenacious and completely trusting once, you have been let in. We are raised to nurture and have been through more mental and physical ups and downs than any other interracial dating woman seeking in our quest for acceptance and RESPECT in a world where our struggles are deeply felt and are ten-fold, and not just on a domestic level. However, what else fuels the discontent? I think it boils down to socialization, socio-economic background, exposure to diversity in life and culture, personal comfort level, family acceptance or lack there of, etc. Intolerance is not inherent in anyone, it has learned. I am most comfortable with the familiar and growing up in an environment where I was exposed to women of all races and cultures. It was not really out of the ordinary that my first girlfriend was white. It is also, why I have no problem dating a beautiful white woman while also concluding that black women are the most beautiful women on earth.

Tags: international dating, internet dating, internet personals, interracial dating